Wedding Singers

Friends don't let friends sing at their weddings. Sure, you think they do, buy you're usually wrong. Think about all the people you know. Now think about how many of them are good enough to sing at a wedding. Now think about how many have sung at a wedding.

The nervousness, the crackling voice, the uncomfortable body language. And then the polite applause. It's just about all I can take. Who is doing the favor with this special music? I am specifically referring to the actual wedding, and not the reception singers, but without a doubt, in either case, when wedding music has been memorable, it has come from a hired gun. Months of planning have gone into these weddings - every last detail - to make them go as smoothly as possible, yet it is an unsettlingly consistent oversight to trust that one of your friends is going to perform so well as to enhance your wedding in any conceivable way. I do have one friend (yeah, that's you) who sings at weddings, but truth be told -- I've never heard her sing anywhere. As with my thoughts about gas stations, there are, of course, exceptions to the rules. But I implore you all -- don't let your friends sing at your weddings.

Old ladies and baseball.

There are many things that just put a smile on ones face. For many it is frolicking puppies, playful kittens, children playing in sprinklers, etc. I would like to cast my vote for old ladies at baseball games. My favorite, is two or three women, without men, wearing every conceivable piece of paraphernalia, pins in their caps, keeping score, and enjoying a beautiful summer day. Bonus points if they're drinking beer. I don't know what it is, but I love it when old ladies drink beer. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Pet peeve

Seriously people--when you are sitting at a stop light, it's not nap time.  It's not time to put on your make-up.  It's not time to finish a magazine article.  It's not time to do anything that requires shifting into neutral while you sit.  You must be ready for the green light.  You must be alert.  Your right foot must hover over the accelerator.  Your left foot should, if applicable, be depressing the clutch pedal.  If you're living in farm country, this might be acceptable.  If you're living in Southern California, this is definitely not acceptable.  The two seconds it takes to re-engage your transmission is just long enough to trigger road rage.  As George Costanza said, "We are living in a society!"  Green means go.

In defense of leaving the toilet seat up...

So, as toilet seats go, I prefer to leave the seat in the down position.  One will rarely find toilet seats up in my own home.  But at work, I often leave the toilet seats in the "up" position, and I feel like explaining why, as it rarely comes up in conversation.  Often when I go into a public restroom, I will find urine, or like today--feces on the toilet seat.  Since I possess the ability to pee standing up, this does not interfere with my duties, the seat is raised, and the duty done.  "Why even bother lifting the seat?" one might ask.  And here it is.  It's so the lady walking towards the bathroom doesn't enter, and think I was the derelict pissing on the seat.  I would rather be considered inconsiderate, than unable to control my wiener.  Welcome to my mind.

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