Cheap Bikes

What in the world is going on with cheap bikes?  Every day I see people on cheap, Wal-Mart bikes with full suspension commuting to and from work, etc.  I have nothing against cheap bikes, but am disgusted at the cheap bikes that people buy.  If you wear jeans on your bike, you do not need full suspension.  The increased weight and decreased efficiency of an expensive suspension bike makes it ill-suited for commuting, let alone those with bargain basement parts.  A smarter consumer could get more for his money with a rigid frame, narrower tire design without the visual frills of these cheap pieces of crap.  The sensibility of the bomb-proof BMX bike reigns as a superior choice, except for it's inefficient pedaling height and wheel size.  They've got the right idea in China and Europe, with simple, efficient adult size commuters.  I wonder who the commuters on theses cheap death traps think they're fooling.

Metrication and Dvorak

I know. The title grabbed you. Two words you always wanted together. Their common traits will soon be apparent. Let's start with Dvorak.

You are likely sitting before a computer, and therefore a keyboard. Due to the mechanical limitations of Christopher Sholes' 1874 machine, it is probably a QWERTY keyboard. The QWERTY layout was originally designed with some kind of logic, but evolved over six years to minimize typebar clashes. Nineteen years later Blickensderfer's typewriter used a supposedly superior layout, but it never caught on. Today there is a small movement towards the Dvorak Simplified Keyboard. The beauty of the Dvorak design was that without the mechanical limitations of the QWERTY design, August Dvorak studied letter frequencies and hand physiology to create a keyboard that minimized hand fatigue and increased efficiency. In a society that increasingly values productivity, yet suffers from repetitive stress injuries such as carpal tunnel syndrome, why have we not changed to a more efficient model?

For exactly the same reasons that we have not undergone mandatory metrication. Show me a person who believes that the Imperial System, also known as the United States Customary System, is superior to the metric system, and I will show you an idiot. The United States is slowly undergoing voluntary metrication, but outside the food, medical and scientific communities, it is rare. At what point to speed limit signs get posted in km/hr?

The answer is that it is easier to keep doing things the wrong way than it is to put out the initial investment to make long term improvements. There is the part of me that wants to adopt the Dvorak as my preferred keyboard. Our computers already have the Dvorak Simplified Keyboard layout a few strokes away. I'll keep you posted.

Handshake

I have fallen victim of the handshake that I disdain. We often take for granted what is conveyed in this simplest of tasks. There are many types of handshakes, from the polyphasic shakes, the thumb hold shake used with the bro-hug, the slap and fist-bump, secret handshakes and the classic handshake. Situationally, one usually flows from shake to shake with little thought or consequence. One can usually be forgiven for a shake error, but the simplest of shakes can expose your weaknesses. With the classic, standard handshake, it is an unwritten rule (until now, because I'm writing it) that the web spaces must make contact. When they do not, you are usually left holding a limp, clammy set of four creepy fingers. These fingers bring judgement and ridicule. This is why I was filled with self-loathing and disgust a couple of weeks ago when I accidentally broke my own rule. The four fingers being squeezed were attached to my empty palm, being shook by a superior grip. I'm not sure how it happened, but he could probably see it in my face. I wanted a redo, but you don't get a second chance. I wanted to find another hand to shake, to wash the self-loathing away. Nobody apologizes for a weak handshake. To apologize is to acknowledge that it happened. The best you can hope for is that nobody else noticed. I've ratted myself out. I've admitted a weak shake. Believe me, it will be a long time before it happens again.

Buttons

We all know that men's shirts and women's shirts button differently, based on the fact that men have traditionally dressed themselves, while women were once dressed by others. What not many people are paying attention to, is cartoon button-up shirts. I was watching Family Guy tonight, and noticed that both Lois and Peter's shirts buttoned up the same way. I realize that I'm probably one of only two people in the entire world to notice this, But Peter Griffin wears women's shirts! But before you call him a cross-dresser, sometimes he wears men's shirts, as well. If you look at hulu.com, you will see Peter in a men's shirt on the main Family Guy page, but he consistently wears what can only be explained as women's wear. Quagmire wears what is apparently a button-up without buttons. Joe wears a polo shirt without buttons. Cleveland wears a t-shirt. In fact, I'm pretty sure that most characters are wearing women's shirts. I'm pretty sure that Jay Leno was on Family Guy wearing a men's suit, though.

Tell me again how my mind is idle when I watch television.

Onions

In a supposedly uniform menu, how can one have a Taco Bell bean burrito that stands out as good or bad?  The point of a chain restaurant is so that you know what you're getting.  That being said, taking the classic bean burrito as our example, the make or break ingredient is the onion.  Sometimes there are onions, and sometimes there are not.  Fact - the good burritos have onions.  They supply a satisfying texture to an otherwise uninteresting chew.  So today, in an effort to break it up a little bit, I stopped by Alberto's for a burrito.  Imagine my surprise when I get home and find onions like you'd find on a burger inside my burrito!  Sliced onions do not belong in a burrito, end of story.  Sliced is for burgers, chopped is for burritos.  

I remember a time when I didn't like, or at least didn't think I liked onions, and now it's hard to imagine why.  The Ancient Egyptians worshipped it.  Ancient Greek athletes ate large quantities of onions because they believed it would lighten the balance of the blood.  Roman gladiators were rubbed down with onion to firm up their muscles.  They have been prescribed for bowel movements, erections, headaches and hair loss.  Syn-propanethial-S-oxide can kiss my ass, but in January of 2008, New Zealand created a strain of "no tears" onions.

At this point you should realize two things -- you should educate yourself more about onions, because nobody else but me is telling you, and you should always have chopped onions on your bean burritos!

Changing The World!

My efforts have been validated.  It is said that if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem, and my friends, I am writing to tell you I am part of the solution.  My little blog has become a vehicle for change, helping to create the world that I want to live in.  Today I was informed that one of my blogs has actually modified the behavior of a reader.  She shall remain anonymous for her own protection, but when I heard the good news, that ten little toes rub a little smoother, I felt like these little blurbs, so often dismissed as the ramblings of a mad man, are totally worth my time.  Sure, it's not quite the feeling of a proud parent who's child just hit the game winning home run, but it's nice, nevertheless.  Hairy noses, shirtless shoppers and shirts tucked into underwear still persist, but we can keep our fingers crossed that a positive butterfly effect is underway.

Go Ahead And Stick It In

The Q-Tip, that is. We've all seen the warnings, telling us not to stick them in our ears. Medical experts tell us that they are unnecessary, and that our ears naturally clear out excessive wax. They tell us of all the wonderful applications that Q-Tips are good for, but try to deny us the most natural usage. I understand that the company is probably just covering their ass, trying to prevent some perforated eardrum from bringing them down. But let's be honest -- earwax, or cerumen, for those of you who are so inclined, is gross. It messes with my head if I don't get it out of there. We've all seen somebody who has that yellow build up down in the canal, and you know how the thought of it right now kind of makes your nose wrinkle. Seriously, I understand that there are more approved of methods for removal, but none offer the daily convenience of the simple cotton swab. Perhaps a little history is in order, so we can feel better about our willfully ignoring medical recommendations.

Q-Tips were invented in the 1920's by Leo Gerstenzang. His motivation was to provide a safer alternative to the method his wife was using on their baby's ears - a toothpick stuck into a piece of cotton. Years were spent refining the product, which was originally named Baby Gays. In 1926, he changed the name to Q-Tips Baby Gays. Just so you know, the "Q" stands for quality, and if I'm going to stick anything in my ear, quality seems like a good choice.

National Sandwich Day

Today is National Sandwich Day. If I were on the ball I would have let the world know earlier, but better late than never. Plan lunch accordingly, and if you are seeking sandwich knowledge, check the link below.

http://www.informationweek.com/news/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=6507138