Saturday, April 18, 2009

My Amazing Fingernails

Let me just start out by saying that this is probably a story I should keep to myself, but that's not going to stop me. While I might not cut my fingernails nearly as often as Mike Bibby, I don't let to let them get too long. I never bite my nails, and think that nails look gross when cut too short, but if the white tips are showing I usually start cutting. I feel the need to cut while people looking at them think they're well within reasonable limits. I've got fingernail clippers in my work desk, in my car, in my travel bag, in my room and a few other places.

My dad tells me that one of the first things he did when I popped out of the womb was cut my fingernails. I don't know if this is true or not, but it sounds plausible. When I was first getting contact lenses, my optometrist stated that looking at a person's fingernails was his quick judge of hygiene to see if he would even let somebody try contacts. Also, I use my hands on human flesh, and if they're getting too long the could be uncomfortable for the patient. Since reality dictates that no matter how much I love Spanish guitar I will probably never learn to play, I have little reason to grow claws.

I am not a multiple stage manicurist. I'm not clipping, filing, buffing, etc. I've never used fingernail scissors. If I can clip the white off I'm usually happy. Well, yesterday as I'm heading out the door to work I look at my fingernails and decide it's time to cut. I'm ahead of schedule, so it's going to be the first thing I do when I arrive. But as I look at them at various stop signs and lights I notice something unusual. Somehow this is the most even and symmetrical my nails have ever been. It was amazing. Almost like they had been professionally done. Yes, there was white at the tips, but the were perfectly even, finger to finger, hand to hand. I had to stop and admire them. I wondered what I had done differently the time before. Anything? I ended up not cutting them until evening, and believe you me I showed some people just to get feedback on the beauty. My show and tell was not met with equal enthusiasm, but I didn't so much need the affirmations or others on this matter. At one point during the day I did think they were getting in the way. I knew all along that they would not make it to bed time.

Last night before going out to dinner I had my clippers in hand. Never before had I experienced the fingernail clipping performance anxiety that I was feeling. The bar had been raised. Should I give it extra attention? Had I just experienced the best it was ever going to be? I began a cautious clip. So far so good. Another. But within a couple more clips thirty plus years of auto-pilot took over, and I was just getting it done. They look good. They feel good. It's too soon to tell if this job will be as good. Now we wait. Only time will tell.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

A few years ago I was sitting a couple of seats down from an old dude in church, and during prayer he busts out these fingernail clippers and starts clipping away in the relative silence. It was disturbing and awesome at the same time. True story.

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